still I follow

Follow Me. His call goes out: the call to something bigger, something deeper, something higher, the call to lay down and leave behind. And even though I’m flooded with uncertainty, I stand, lay down my nets and walk forward.

And follow.

Who is this man who draws and woos my heart?
He invites me to come along, to walk with Him. I’m nervous but I find my feet taking step after step, my feet settling onto this path. I don’t know where this road leads, but I know it isn’t a path to easy or indulgence.

But still I follow.

Following Him means going right or left is no longer my decision. Following means I stay attentive to my Shepherd. Following means my own agenda has dissolved, and if there are any fragments left, they must be submitted. Sometimes following means being propelled at breath-taking speed, sometimes it means pause, being still, waiting. Often, I begin to vere toward interesting things, but in His wisdom and grace He draws me back, “that’s not for you.” And when I object, He beckons again, “Follow Me.”

So still I follow.

“Not follow Me and work, labor, strive, but Follow me and in my supernatural creativity I will make you and remake you. I will form you, rearrange you, place you. Complete dependance is required and if not possessed, it will be formed in you. Follow me, but first consider the way I am going.”

And still I follow.

When I follow I’m reminded that the One I follow went all the way to the cross. I follow a crucified savior. The cost is great, but His love is greater. This is not upward mobility. I am not climbing up a ladder, rather I am climbing down....all the way down to the place of humility and service. And death.

Yet still I follow.

Following, I’m confounded by this Man who heals with a touch, who creates with a word, who confuses and convicts and comforts. I watch my assumptions dissipate, I watch my pride bow low, I watch my shame run and hide. The discrepancy between who He is and who I am seems infinite. But I find He who rose is now raising me; I find He who has called me to die has also called me to come to life. New life. A life marked with His wisdom, power and love.

So still I follow.